magic_in_the_air

Day 23

There was a sudden uptick in 624s: that’s the mall security criminal code for theft.

Well, we don’t actually have criminal codes in mall security. If I had a partner, then we would definitely have criminal codes to make communication more efficient, and then we could use those walkie talkies I bought, too. I usually keep one clipped to my belt as a warning to any would-be criminals that I have backup that I could phone in. I don’t, obviously, but they wouldn’t know that. Truth be told, the surge in 624s was pretty difficult to deal with on my own, and a sidekick would have been great.

All of the 624 complaints were similar: teenage boys running into stores, grabbing a single item, and running back out before anyone had any time to do anything about it. Even some mall patrons were being robbed right out in the open. Not only were many happening simultaneously, but I’m not sure if I stood a chance of grabbing one because of my weak ankles. I have weak ankles and I roll them all the time. It’s genetic and there is simply nothing I can do about it. I haven’t had a doctor confirm that or anything but I’m sure they would if they took a look.

A report was filed by a manager at Richard’s Sporting Goods about a couple kids running through and swiping some hockey equipment. Bright and early, I walked over to the store to ask for some more details. 'Bright' and early, but it's always bright because the clean white lights along the impossibly high ceilings are always shining, day and night (if those even still existed). My steps echoed in the cavernous hallway as I passed by storefronts on my way to Richards. On the way in, I noticed huge banner ads plastered in the windows about some new hockey stick model that was just released. The manager, Todd, didn’t have much information to offer about the crime besides a detail regarding the teens: surprisingly well-dressed (new button-up shirts tucked into belted khakis - one was even wearing a tie) and they stole the new model stick. I noted this info down and moved onto the next reported theft at the next store. More well-dressed teens allegedly ran into an electronics store and stole the newest model aPhone from Electric City.

I walked along the corridor, my mind categorizing and filing the scraps of information I had been collected. Well dressed? It was just a button-up shirts. They said nothing about flashy belt buckles or a hat, like maybe a fedora. If that were the case then I'd think, yeah, that is a well dressed young man. My thoughts were so preoccupied that I walked right past Electric City. As I turned around, my eyes swept across Leeroy’s Magic Emporium.

I couldn’t help myself - I had to take a step closer and peer in through the storefront window.

Wow.

Deception. Illusion. Magic.

There’s just nothing like it. Everybody knows that magic isn’t real, but getting someone else to forget that for even one second is amazing. The shop was practically overflowing with incredible trick items and gadgets. Imagine working there! Imagine having access to magic rings and false fingers and whenever you wanted… if I had that, my skills would be off the charts. Just… Wow.

When I was four or five, I told my uncle to ‘pick a card, any card’ and to put it back in the deck and shuffle it all on his own. At that age I could barely read, let alone prepare and execute a card illusion, so I simply guessed which card he chose. After he shuffled the deck and handed it back to me, I flipped through the cards, pretending to ‘feel’ it out. By some stroke of luck (or magic?) I correctly guessed which card was his. I’ll never forget the look on my uncle’s face - he lost his mind. I have been chasing that feeling for decades.

Witnessing illusions was just as thrilling as performing them. When I was a teenager, I watched the street magician Craigg Cherub ride a dirt bike through an explosion, vanish midair, and reappear in the crowd sipping a martini. I actually screamed at the reveal. Even his sidewalk tricks: coins, cards, that leather vest... he was impossibly cool. I spent much of my teens trying to be like him. I practiced magic all the time. I would get my grandmother to take me to Blazing Issue at the mall so I could buy studded belts and fingerless gloves. Looking the part was just as important as executing the tricks, so they say.

I used to think I was good at this sort of thing—making people believe in something impossible. For a little while, I even made someone believe in me. But that all went up in smoke, and I never picked up the cards again. Staring through the window of Leeroy’s Magic Emporium, I realized I should never have abandoned that part of myself. Yeah, back in the day I was good. I was at my peak when I was performing illusions—good enough to win a girlfriend, for goodness’ sake. A girlfriend! I stood there, thinking, reminiscing… and then it was decided: After finishing my rounds with the store managers, I’d head back to Mino’s, watch some old Craigg Cherub clips, and plan out a new set of tricks to master. The thought alone lit me up.

Managing to pry my attention from Leeroy’s, I headed to Electric City. It was a good thing that I turned back when I did, because I spotted a suspiciously well-dressed young man (good enough, considering no fedora) walking towards the skateboard shop. I slowed my pace to a prowl and crept towards the shop. I posted up next to one of the two entrances and spied on the potential criminal through the front window. Besides one store employee, he was the only person inside. I watched him walk to the back of the store, grab a skateboard off of the wall, turn around, and put it on the ground. I knew what was coming next - that little snot-nose was going to skate right out of there without paying for the board. I had to think fast. There were two parallel entrances to this place. If I blocked one, he would just skate through the other, and there was no way I would catch him with my thin ankles. He kicked off and began rolling towards the front of the store where I was.

I had an idea.

I popped my shirt off.

Blocking the left-side entrance with my body, I tossed my shirt on the ground outside of the right-side entrance. Bare-chested, I yelled at the skateboarding kid to stop. He, of course, ignored me and pivoted towards the right-side entrance. My plan worked like a charm and my shirt got tangled up in his skate wheels as he rode over it, sending his body soaring off of the board. He landed with a thud and then slid a few feet. I scrambled towards him and grabbed him by the wrist to pull him up to his feet.

Wearing a baby-blue shirt and an expensive looking navy tie, he refused to look me in the eye as I berated him. He smelled so strongly of perfume that my eyes started to water. Mint… and lavender? So strong. It was almost unbearable and I couldn’t extend my own arm far away enough from me to escape the smell.

“Listen kid. You have the right to be quiet. I will say and use… Anything you… use… will be said in a court of law. Your attorney will have the right to remain silent. Are you listening to me?”, I said to him.

“Oh my, my. I don’t believe he is, sweetie. But I am.”, said the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard in my life. I turned around to see the goddess who just sang those words.

She was even more beautiful than her voice let on. I was stunned. To attempt to describe her in this journal would be an insult. My words could never do her justice. She was taller than me. She had jet black hair that ran straight down past her shoulders. Her skin glowed like she was carved from some otherworldly gem. She moved closer to me and my heart hammered in my chest. She touched my arm. My hands began to sweat. I shook at her closeness and I lost my grip on the kid. My knees wobbled. My little ankles were ready to give out at any moment. She kept talking.

“Is this one of those poor little boys everyone has been so upset about? Stealing? How awful.”, she said. Every sentence was like a song. It was breathtaking.

“This. Yes. Boy. Steal. Is awful, yes.”, I stammered.

“People have been saying that these little ones have been so elusive, but you caught one! Like the magician pulls the rabbit from the hat. You are truly impressive. It feels so comforting to have a man in uniform protecting us.”, she said.

She looked down at my shirtless body. My exposed stomach and nipples. Oh my god.

“Well, mostly in uniform.”

Sweaty, having somehow managed to not pass out after that embarrassment, I untangled my shirt from the skateboard wheels and put it on. The tangle of the wheels tore two holes into the front of my shirt. My nipples were staring out through them. I looked behind me and the kid was gone. Suddenly, alarms swirled in my head as that unmistakable choke rose up into my throat: I was going to cry.

“Sweetie…”, the woman crooned from behind me as I hid my face from her.
I couldn’t do anything right. I just sucked. Stores getting robbed, criminals getting away, nipples getting exposed, my magic skills withered and rusty, no friends, no girlfriend…

“Are you okay?” She said, and reached out to touch my shoulder.
The slightest brush of compassion from her loosed the emotional cork from my throat and I erupted. Nothing could be worse than letting her see me cry, so instead of a sob I roared like a confused lion. And instead of turning to face her, I ran. I leaned forward and stumbled away as quickly as I could. Blinking smeared tears across my eyes and the storefronts along the mall corridor began to fly by in a shimmering blur. There was no heading other than straight ahead. Between sloppy blinks, I caught sight of dark smudge just ahead of me. Had I been able to see clearly and been moving with my eyes open, I would have recognized it as the skateboard that had rolled away during my interaction with the woman. I also certainly would not have slipped on it and knocked myself clean out. But I could not see clearly, and I was running mostly with my eyes closed. So I slipped on the board and everything went black.

So yeah, I mentioned a girlfriend.

Her name was Becka and she was a cheerleader - one of the popular girls. I won her heart one day after school by performing my special ‘coin up the nostril’ illusion. I guess she thought it was so amazing that she started bringing me around with her everywhere. She took me to parties with all of the other popular kids and she would insist that I perform my tricks. I would usually resist but all she had to do was bat those lashes at me and touch my arm and I’d do whatever trick she wanted. Generally, it seemed like everyone enjoyed my illusions. It was never the wide-eyed disbelief that I saw in my uncle all those years ago, but the reactions were still good. There were lots of huge grins and laughter. They really did laugh a lot - I guess I laugh sometimes too when I see a really good illusion, so who could blame them. They were in disbelief!

One day I met up with Becka at her house where she was studying with Blake, the quarterback of the football team. She welcomed me inside and I placed the red rose that I brought with me among the others in the vase by the entrance. She asked me to show Blake a new trick I had been working on but didn’t fully have down yet. It was a risky move and I hadn’t worked out the kinks yet. I hesitated, but I needed to try it in front of someone at some point, so I went for it.

I named the trick The Flame of Love and it was bound to be an absolute show-stopper once I got it right. Fortunately, I brought everything I needed with me. I turned towards Becka and pulled out a small black notebook that I got from the magic shop. I opened the front cover and began to recite a poem that I had written about my love for her. It was a powerful poem. The next step of the trick was to get to the part of the poem that went “and mine heart doth burn for thou. It rages like FIRE!” and I would turn to the next page where the rigged notebook would flash out real flames. At that exact moment, I would quickly pull a black rose from my sleeve, making it appear as though the flower burst out of the fire itself. Unfortunately, like I said, I hadn’t practiced it enough.

When the moment came, two things happened: I turned the page and used the fire to hide my sleight of hand. The rose up my sleeve was one that I had plucked out of a bush in the neighborhood and spray-painted black. It was simple enough to slide the rose up my sleeve beforehand, because the thorns on the stem were angled downward, away from the flower. It was so easy that I hadn’t noticed that there were even thorns at all. I definitely noticed the thorns when I pulled the rose out because they sliced my forearm in two deep gashes that immediately gushed blood. Small hot rivers streamed down towards my fingers and I dropped the book to grip my upper arm hoping to stop the flow. Getting blood on Becka’s white shag rug would not have won me any points, that’s for sure. I was so distracted by the pain and blood that I did not realize the flame from the book ignited the Sword body spray still hanging in my hair. I had given myself five or six good long sprays before ringing Becka’s doorbell (I always wanted to smell good around her). The flash of fire from the trick-book created a secondary woosh as it caught onto the cologne in the air and it smoldered my hair.

The rest of that story is not really great - I’ll just leave it off by saying Becka stopped hanging out with me. I haven’t had a girlfriend since, but It’s really my own fault because I gave up my illusion-craft for so long.

Anyway...

Eventually, things were no longer black, and I came-to in a fog. It was both a literal fog as well as a mental fog. Opening my eyes revealed a dense blueish purple haze that I could barely see through. An intense aroma of lavender blanketed me. My eyes watered. In spite of its intensity it made me feel pretty good. Noticing myself sitting against a wall, I looked down to see that I was wearing some nice clothes. Really nice, actually… At that moment I could not remember what exactly happened to my regular clothes (I wasn’t even sure if I could remember what I usually wore): the smell around me was so pervasive that I could barely keep an entire thought together. But man, that smell really lifted my spirits.

I stood up and walked along the wall. If I couldn’t see my surroundings, then I decided to feel them out. My hands found a corner that opened into another room and I turned towards it. My watering eyes beheld the most pure form of feminine beauty they have ever witnessed. A woman - no, goddess - stood at the other end of this new room examining some article of clothing.

She was poised and statuesque, yet she swept gracefully around the room. Surely, I was witnessing an angel. I drew closer to her. My new shoes clacked against the tiled floor, alerting her to my presence and she whirled towards me.

The woman’s eyes were violet crystals that electrified me to the core. Her gaze paralyzed me. It was a truly face of incomprehensible beauty.

“Hello again sweetie.”, she purred.

Did she say... again? I did not recognize her at all (I know I just wrote in this journal that I met her only moments ago, but in that room and that haze I couldn't remember anything). My nervous system could not decide if I should remain frozen or if I should collapse on the spot. She lifted the tattered piece of clothing she held in her right hand.

“It’s a shame what happened to this nice shirt, isn’t it?”

The white cloth she held was a collared shirt that was ripped to shreds, specifically in the chest area. I could not understand why she was showing it to me. A nametag dangled from a shredded flap. The name rang a bell, but at that moment I could not put a finger on who it was.

“Bad.”, I said.

She smiled. A smile! A smile? What did I say? She liked what I had to say, but I couldn’t remember what it was. I had to remember what I said so I could say it again. Did I have… a chance with her? Did I say something super smooth? Did I do a magic trick and forgot about it? I couldn’t remember anything for more than a few seconds. Why was my memory so messed up? I thought maybe it was that knock on the head… or maybe she was just that beautiful…

She drew closer. A bouquet of mint rushed to meet my nose and it mingled with the lavender that still sat thick in the air. My heart exploded. Sweat everywhere.

“It is bad, isn’t it? Now, come over here.”

I followed her through the cloud towards the table of clothes. She placed the tattered shirt down and lifted up a pair of dark slacks by the belt. Sagging from the side of the pants was a metal loop that held dozens of keys.

“I have been waiting for you, you know…”
My knees quaked. My ankles would soon give way.

“That’s right. You are the man I have been looking for. Do you know why?”

I was her man. Why was I her man? I had to think. I couldn’t look stupid. What was the thing I said before that made her smile?
“Bad.”, I said.

Nailed it. That was it.

“Oh! My, my… You’re a bad boy? That is even better than I could have ever dreamed.”

Holy cow, I was absolutely crushing it. Holy cow. Holy crap. She unclipped the keyring and handed it to me. The dense bunch of keys felt heavy in my hand, but I felt as if I knew where to use each of those keys. It was odd.

I looked up from the mass of keys in my hands to see a younger man walk into the room holding up a skateboard towards my mystery woman. She spotted him and I followed her as she floated over to him. Leaning over to take the board from him, she whispered into his ear. Um, woah. She then grabbed his hand and walked him further into the room towards a closed door. I followed. Who was this little twerp and why was she treating him so much better than she treated me? He was dressed nicely… about as nicely as I was. Was it because he was younger? Better looking? Stronger ankles? They approached the door, and she opened it. An intense bluish light spilled out from the doorframe, blinding me. The light that washed over me contained a strange distorted energy that both pulled me towards it and forced me away. My eyes adjusted to the brightness and I lowered my shielding hand to see the two warped silhouettes of the woman and the boy still by the door. She passed the skateboard into the door and pulled her hand back with nothing in it, as if the light consumed the item. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, a blue spark between her lips and his head. The doorway that just collected the skateboard pulsed and then a blue energy splashed out and her body absorbed it, her body briefly blushing with light like the blood and bones beneath her skin turned to magma.

No way.

She… kissed him. I didn’t care about that weird bloodlight magic stuff: I had never felt such rage. Fury. Why did she kiss him but not me? What did he do? Give her a skateboard? I could give her a skateboard. I could give her one hundred skateboards. The good ones, too. The ones with like the best trucks and wheels and stuff. After the kiss, the door closed on its own. She whispered into his ear again and he dashed away. She returned to me.

“That was a lovely gift from him, don’t you think?”, she said.
I looked down at the keys and back up at her. She did the same and found my eyes. I am writing this now with the knowledge of what happened after, and the truth is that she had desire in her eyes. Truly, it was pure desire. I saw it in that moment but not in the same way that I remember it now - I thought she desired me. She reached down to put her hands on mine, covering the keys with both of our hands, and she smiled at me. Behind her, I noticed another boy walking into the room bearing jewelry and a hockey stick. I was filled with an intense resolve to deliver her the finest gifts. Mountains of them. I gripped the keys tighter and walked away, through the perfume cloud.

Before long, I made my way into the huge mall corridor. Turning around, I saw the name of the store I had emerged from: Marcy’s. That must have been her name. Marcy. Such a beautiful name. Such a beautiful woman! I was on a mission for her. I was on a mission to earn her love. If a stupid skateboard was worth an entire kiss on the cheek, then I was in store for something amazing. I could do so much better than that. I sprinted down the mall corridor.

I contemplated the gifts that filled every storefront I passed. What would Marcy love? Clothes? Jewels? Flowers? No… none of that was better than a skateboard. What was better, then? I thought back to what the cool skateboarding kids did in high school that made them so cool. They wore big pants, hung out on the halfpipe by the park, smoked cigarettes, and drank energy drinks. It was a start, at least. I hurried to a place called Steve’s Convenience to get my first gifts. A man, presumably Steve, was by the door as I walked in.

“Long time, no see, my man! I’m just about to close up here, whatcha need?”, he said to me. Long time no see? I was sure I had never seen him before.

“All time, never see is more like it.”, I replied.

“What?”

I stared at him, unsure of what I had just said.

“What the hell does that mean?”, he repeated.

“I need a pack of smokes and a can of your finest energy drink.”

“Oh. Since when do you smoke? And caffeine? Last time I saw you with a coffee you locked yourself inside this bathroom for like an hour. What’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know who you think you’re talking to. Listen. Give me the stuff now, okay? I really need it.”

Perplexed, he backed up behind the counter and pulled a pack of cigarettes from above his head.

“Here, man. Just go grab a drink from over there”, he said, and pointed to the opposite wall. I grabbed a bright green can of Demon and turned back around to plop it on the counter.

“Okay, well if that’s all, it’ll be fifteen dollars.”, he said as he held out his hand.

Not until I patted down my pants pockets did I remember that I was wearing a new pair of slacks. No cash.

“Ah. I got these new pants on and don’t have any money on me.”, I shrugged.

“You left your wallet in different pants? You are being weird as hell. Can you pay or not?”, he said.

I had to think fast. I couldn’t pay, but I needed these gifts. Sleight of hand? No, it was too risky. I decided to work some charisma magic.

“You know me!”, I said. He stared at me. “You know me! Right?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I guess so.”, he said, hesitating.

“Then you know I’m good for it! You know that.”, I said, trying to reassure him.

“Ok fine, man. I gotta close up. Just get me back tomorrow. First thing in the morning, okay?”

Without even responding or looking back, I dashed out of Steve’s Convenience. Two precious gifts! A pack of cigs and 260mg of neon green caffeine for my goddess. I was elated. It was an amazing start, but what was next? I kept walking and scanning stores. My mood soured as I realized the horror of closing time. Signs that once read ‘open’ were suddenly an ugly ‘closed’. The timing could not have been worse. I was desperate for more gifts! I slowed my pace as I approached the Hats! hat store. I placed my palm against the glass door. Closed.

Despair seeped in, squeezing me. What was I going to do? I held the cigarettes and Demon in my left hand, and squeezed the keyring in my other.

The keyring…

I held up the massive bunch of silvery keys and studied them. I glanced up at the Hats! sign and back down at the keys. One of them just sort of… looked right. I exposed it from the rest and slid it into the lock on the door. The twist of the key yielded a soft click, and the door popped open.

Stunned by my lucky guess, I stepped into the silence of the store. Not a soul around. The walls were lined from floor to ceiling with fresh baseball caps. Any one of them would go perfectly with my other gifts. I spotted a bright blue hat with huge cartoon eyes stitched onto the crown. Maybe it wasn’t elegant, but it was cool. I plucked it off of the wall and took a closer look. The scent of the factory-fresh fabric temporarily overshadowed the lavender and mint that had been lingering.

It felt wrong. It pains me to admit this now, but I knew that I was going to steal the hat. The acknowledgement began to twist at me. Something screamed at me from deep within. I placed the hat back on the shelf to reconsider my actions, but the extension of my arm took the smell of the hat with it, leaving me only with Marcy’s perfume. That amazing smell flooded my nose and crept its way up into my brain. It controlled me. I snatched the hat back off of the shelf and dashed from the shop. It was as if the perfume erased the memory of the turmoil caused by my new criminal decisions. The only thing on my mind was the next prize.

I found myself standing in front of Leeroy’s Magic Emporium, buzzing with anticipation. The correct key yet again jumped out to me and I stepped inside the emporium. Even in my perfume-clouded hypnosis, the wonders of the shop mesmerized me. I wandered the aisles, overwhelmed. Disguises, stage magic, mentalism, escape gadgets, rope magic, coin magic… fire magic.

Fire magic. Stopping in my tracks, I gazed upon the multitude of magical fire items perched on the shelves before me. My beloved Marcy would have no choice but to fall for me if I could dazzle her with an illusion like that. The unstable and unpredictable nature of fire has always frightened both seasoned and amateur magicians, but I knew I had to run the risk. Above all, it was mysterious and romantic, and that is what it would take to win the woman I desired. I’ve always said, you can not tame fire just as you can not tame love. I got closer to the shelves and inspected the items before me.

Flash cotton, utility smoke cups, lycopodium powder, sparklers. Leeroy’s was incredible. Everything an illusionist could ever want was there. I grabbed a Hot Book, a mini fireball wrist shooter, and a general supply kit. Head swimming with possibilities, I left the emporium and moved on to my next target: sporting goods.

I shuffled along the corridor, heading for Richard’s. Marcy liked the skateboard she received, so I decided to stick with a safe option and provide her with something similar. Would a whole bicycle be too much? I had a lot to think about as I moved. Before long, the sound of distant footsteps cut through the silence of the corridor. Even the smallest press of a sneaker echoed through the cavernous hallway at this time of night. Moving closer to the wall, I saw a shadow looming in front of Richard’s. I crept closer and saw more clearly that the shadow was another well dressed young man. He was fiddling with the door, trying to pry it open.

Not on my watch. He wasn’t getting the good stuff before me.

With incredible stealth, I closed in on him. Once I was within arms length, I grabbed him by the wrist.
“I don’t think so, kid.”, I said.

He spun his head around to me, yelped, eyes wide, and recoiled. My grip on his wrist was strong and he could not get away.

“Oh man, dude. The mall cop again bro? Do you sleep?”, he said, still trying to pull away.

Mall cop? My abrupt confusion must have been obvious on my face. I looked behind me, half expecting to see a security guard somewhere close.

“What are you gonna do, knock yourself out in front of me again? What a loser, man.”, he continued.

“Who do you think you’re talking to?”, I said.

“Let go of me, you freak.”

“Not until you tell me what you’re doing here.”

“It’s none of your business!”
He yanked away from my grip harder than ever. He pulled back unsuccessfully, then forced his wrist up towards my face. I took the opportunity to grab on with both of my hands.

“Stop.. re…sisting”, I said through the struggle.

He rammed his hands into my chest, triggering the mini fireball shooter I had strapped to my wrist while I was walking out of Leeroy’s. A plume of fire erupted from the contraption, enveloping both of our heads. Flames licked the side of my face and burned the insides of my nose. I heard a loud woosh past my ears. I released my hold on the young man’s wrists. My senses returned to me after I gasped for air. Clarity returned. My memories flooded my mind: I was the mall’s security guard. I knew which keys unlocked each store because I had sworn to protect them.

My duty. My honor…

I stumbled back, looking down at what I held in my hands. Stolen items. I was a criminal. I became the very thing I promised to fight against. How? Why? Because of a woman? I looked up at the shaken young man before me. He had a frightened and lost look about him. Surely he was having the same revelation I just experienced. A small ember smoldered on one of the tips of his hair. His eyebrows were completely burned away. The realization struck me at that moment - the perfume. It was burned off in the fire. The fragrance had taken hold of my mind just as it had taken hold of his. We accidentally freed ourselves from Marcy’s mind control.

The young man staggered, searching for answers. He looked up at me.

“I know, kid. Me too.”, I said.

“Yo…”

“Yeah. Yo.”

“I’m not so sure that I need to get into this place I guess.”, he said, gesturing to the sports store.

“I would say that’s a smart idea. Maybe you should get out of here.”

He hesitated.

“My buddy Brant was just out there with me. She got us at the same time. I gotta find him.”, he said.

“Okay. Let’s think. We were brainwashed into being little thieves for that witch, so what was next up on the hit list for Brant?”

“I’m not so sure. We didn’t tell each other what our next stop was. We were competing for her. I didn’t want him stealing my ideas, ya know?”

“Right. Did Brant have any hobbies or anything? What did you do together?”

“Well we both skated and played hockey. Less so lately, because he started up in this band, playing guitar.”

There it was. Marcy’s spell was desire. She made us crave her and made us believe that the only way to get her was to present her with the most valuable and most desirable things we could imagine. I looked down at the thieved magic set. Performing for her and giving her cigarettes was my way to win her heart. This kid’s plan was skateboards and hockey sticks. Brant was almost certainly at Guitar Place.

“We don’t have time to waste. We need to get to Guitar Place right now and intercept your friend Brant. By the way, what’s your name?”

“Grant”

Awful.

“Great. Okay… follow me.”

And off we went to the guitar and music shop to save his friend. We dashed through the empty hallways, swerved around corners, and slid down stair railings. There was no time to lose. That kid was going to steal a sick axe and we had to stop him. We also somehow had to un-brainwash him. That part I was not so sure about. I’d figure it out when I got there; I always devise perfect plans when under immense pressure.

We arrived at the store, and just as we suspected, the front lock was broken, leaving the doors crooked and open. I crept in first with Brant following closely behind. The store was dark and empty. Lights from the effects pedals display cases glowed a dim silver over nearby shelves and guitar accessories. Silence reverberated off of the distant walls. With gentle steps I moved towards the wall of guitars. I examined a banana-yellow electric guitar hanging at eye-level. It was cool. Badass, even. I ran my fingers over the neck as my eyes wandered up at the wall. It went up forever. I mean that literally. Guitars as far as the eye could see. Even Guitar Place was not safe from the bright blue cracks of warped light that stretched and twined their way through the great mall. This wall of guitars went up and up into the dazzling otherworldly fissure. Dazed, the familiar awful feeling of the light seeped in and I leaned forward, knocking the guitar off of its hangar. It clanged across the ground. The strings played a C sharp minor 9th (or something, I don’t know) that seemed to ring out forever. I looked at Brant who was looking right back at me with bright round eyes. We both recoiled from the sound, shoulders hunched up, grimaces on our faces. Oopsie.

One second later, quick footsteps sounded from behind us and we saw Grant with a cherry-red double-neck electric. Thing was cool as hell. He stopped in his tracks and we stood facing each other, frozen.

“Get out of here Brant.”, said Grant.
Brant looked at me, needing guidance. We both knew that trying to convince him to put the guitar down would not work. He was under the spell of the perfume. Words would not work here in the music shop, but I knew what would:

A good old-fashioned beat down.

That’s right, I decided to pin Grant to the ground while we wrestled the guitar away and then we’d tie him up and get rid of that perfume infecting his brain. In (what I thought was) a swift move, I euro stepped in his direction to disorient him and then swung my leg down towards his feet to knock him to the ground. With minimal effort, he lifted the leg I was targeting and swiped the guitar in an upwards arc, catching my kicking leg, and sending me upside-down. My head cracked off of the ground and I rolled across my shoulder onto my back. Flopping over onto my hands and knees, I looked up towards Brant.

“Help!”

“Dude he’s got a black belt in tae kwon do.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Why would I tell you that?”
“Because I was going to fight him! Subdue him!”
“When did you tell me you were gonna do that?”

“Why would I say that out loud with him standing right there?”, I said, gesturing back to Grant.

As I was picking myself up, Grant slammed a kick into my side sending me five feet through the air and I slid into the wall. The impact shocked my body and I sat on the ground attempting to cope with the pain. I looked up at the guitars lining the wall.

“Ow. Hey listen man. I was just joking. I don’t want to fight.”, I called out to Grant, “We know you’re the best of us here and that lady you’re pining after should definitely be with you. We just know how to help.”, I lied. He paused. He actually took the bait. I did not know what the hook was going to be, but I had something going.

“You don’t know her. Not like I do.”, he said.
“Yes, of course. Of course we both know that.”, I replied, gesturing to Brant, trying to coax out some cooperation on the ruse.

“Totally, dude. We don’t have that kinda connection bro.”, Brant said. I had to think fast.

“It’s just that when we saw someone give her a record player as a gift, she mentioned what her favorite song was.”, I lied.

His eyes lit up and he stepped closer, looming over me.

“Tell me. Now.”

“Sure, I’ll get to it. But I’d rather make a deal. I scratch your back type of thing.”, I asked.

“Or I just beat it out of you.”

“Woah. No need for that. I was just hoping that if I told you the song that you would let us help you put on a show for her. You know, when you play it and she sees how we helped, maybe she would at least look more favorably on us. I know we’ll never be her number one… like you are… but it would mean a lot if you would let us do that.”

He paused and thought. The dude was actually debating whether or not he would accept help from us. That perfume really was strong magic. After more than a few seconds, he looked back at me.

“Fine. It’s a deal. Tell me the song.”

In that entire exchange and in all that time waiting for him to make a decision, I never chose a song. Suddenly all that pressure blocked me from thinking of a song. Just, like, any song at all. Twinkle twinkle little star? No. Goodfellas? No…. that was a movie. I began to panic, and I looked up to Brant.

“It’s I Want Candy”, Brant blurted out. Ok, Brant.

“...by Bow Wow Wow?”, Grant asked.

“Yeah, by Bow Wow Wow. That song rules.”, I said.

“It does rule.”, Grant said, contemplating. I continued weaving my plan.

“There. We gave you her favorite song of all time. Now let us tell you how we want to help. Cool?”, I asked.

Grant nodded, and we discussed how we would put on the best performance of his life.

Day 24

Brant stayed with me at Mino’s that night. In the morning, we reviewed our inventory and prepared to meet Grant back at Guitar World. We had a shopping cart full of (among our personally pilfered goods, like the pack of cigarettes) guitar amps, pedals, ear plugs, microphones, and most importantly, pyrotechnics. All of it paid for in cash. Our plan was solid. I also handed him my other walkie-talkie, just in case.

We shoved the cart along the corridor, which bustled with morning activity. Shoppers floated in and out of stores, unaware of the thievery and corruption that took place there every night. Brant and I didn’t speak on our walk to the music shop. We were serious. I scanned the mall, looking for criminal activity, which was my instinct. I can not help that I am an innate protector and purveyor of justice (mall or otherwise). I spotted more well-dressed young men loitering outside of storefronts. It took all of my self control to stifle the urge to stop the would-be perps. My body screamed to apprehend them, but I had to carry on. Our task was to cut the head from the snake - Marcy.

Grant waited for us outside of Guitar World still holding the double-neck electric. Without a word and without us stopping, he joined our caravan and the three of us headed to the entrance of Marcy’s. Silently, we marched ahead. As we moved closer, the purple perfume mist became more clear and my anxiety grew. We parked the cart outside of the front door and huddled up.

“All good? Remember the plan?”, I asked both of them. They nodded in agreement.

Reaching into the cart, I pulled out a pair of earplugs, the pack of cigarettes, the energy drink, and my keychain. I gave the boys one last look of confidence, and walked towards the store. Before I got too close, I unpackaged the earplugs and stuffed them into my nostrils. I was pinning the whole plan on the perfume having no effect if you couldn’t smell it. I moved past the threshold and into the fog. There were no sudden urges to steal, which gave me hope. Retracing my steps to find Marcy, I passed by dozens of hypnotized teenagers either on their way in to deliver gifts or on their way out to steal some. They all glared at me: I was competition just like everybody else. Don’t worry boys, you will be free from this life of crime soon, I thought to myself.

Rooms and hallways started to look familiar, so I knew that I was getting close. A hallway, a right turn, another hallway.. and then I spotted a faint blue glow that pulsed against another distant wall. Marcy’s room. I pushed the earplugs further up, gripped the cigarettes tighter, took a deep breath, and made my way to the room.

Beyond the door frame I saw more teenagers waiting around with different items: video game consoles, bicycles, clothes, jewelry. No magic sets though - sure, they were just kids, but you’d think at least one of them would know how good illusion magic is at stealing a woman’s heart. A pattern among the mob of people revealed itself - a queue wound around the perimeter and into an interior room that glowed bright blue. She was in there, and it was my time to shine.

The plan was simple:

Ask a random teenager in line to hold my gifts while I bend over to tie my shoe.
Exercising expert sleight of hand, swipe his gift from him during the handoff (I would have to choose someone with a small gift like a bracelet or watch).
After tying the shoe, stumble upwards into another teenager knocking us both to the ground.
Place the swiped gift in the new teenager’s possession (if a watch, apply to wrist, etc).
Stand up and announce to teenager 1 that teenager 2 stole his gift.
Announce to the entire room that teenager 1 stole my gifts.
Cause a commotion and signal to Grant and Brant via walkie-talkie to enter the room and set up the stage and amps without taking notice.
Escalate commotion into riot to draw Marcy out of the interior room.
Let the pyrotechnics burn away through the perfume and possibly make Marcy explode, freeing everyone from the spell.
Live happily ever after.

Here’s what happened:

I asked a teenager with a small gift to hold my things.
He said no.

Uh.

I asked a couple more of the well-dressed young men to hold my things, and they were all adamant about not helping me. The entire plan went right out the window from the jump and I didn’t have a backup plan. Brant and Grant were due to roll in with the cart full of music equipment and there was no way the people in that room would let them put on a show to seduce Marcy. Panic crept again. The plan fell apart, but the goal was just to create a disturbance. I knew how to do that.

I approached a teenager carrying a box of chocolates, wrenched it from his grip, and ran across the room. On the other side, I found another teenager wearing a backpack and holding a plastic frisbee, so I jammed the chocolate box into the bag, stole the frisbee and flung it over the crowd. The first teenager caught up to me, but only in time to see his box of chocolates running away from him, trapped in the backpack of someone chasing after a flying disc. Before my pursuer could change his target, I pushed him into someone else carrying a three-layer wedding cake, causing it to splat onto the ground. The whole crowd of 30 or so young men were either watching someone being chased by someone being chased, or they were in the path of danger and were being shoved. It was definitely a commotion.

I lifted the walkie to my mouth and whispered a ‘Now, over.’, and within a few seconds I spotted Brant and Grant rolling in and moving to the back corner. It was time to escalate the commotion into full blown ruckus. I put my head down and shoved my way to the front of the line. Before I could get there, I felt the energy of the crowd hit a sudden standstill. Blue light washed over my feet. I looked up.

A haggard and grotesque beast stood in the doorway, silhouetted by the bright light behind. It was human-like in shape with lumpy, oozing gray skin and sparse clumps of greasy hair sprouting from a wrinkled scalp. It shuffled from the door, dragging one foot behind like a lead club. The rough skin scraping against the ground was the only sound in the room. It straightened its posture so that it could see over the entire crowd with its bulging, sore eyes that pushed out from its swollen face. It lifted its frail arms in a wide, welcoming gesture. The gaze of everyone else in the room was locked in its direction.

“My boys.”, it said.

That voice was Marcy’s. That thing was Marcy. Without the perfume clouding my mind, I saw her for the vile creature that she was. She looked down on the crowd like a queen over her disciples. Her lips cracked apart, revealing the crooked black remnants of teeth.
“Who would like to present me with my next…”

She scanned the crowd and spotted me.

“Oh! How about you? Have you been having luck with those keys?”, she said in my direction. Heads snapped towards me and I felt hot stares.
“Please come up here, sweetie, and show me what you have found.”, she continued.

I gripped the convenience store gifts and slowly made my way to the front of the crowd, pushing through angry young teenagers, reluctant to let me pass. Just as I stepped past the last line of people, I heard the clap of an electric guitar amp’s ‘on’ switch from the back of the room. Nobody seemed to notice, so I continued my approach, finally reaching Marcy’s shadow. Again, she loomed over me, but this time it was terrifying for different reasons. She was a monster. I looked up at her tarred smile and bloodshot eyes. I lifted the gifts to her. The smile faded.

“I KNOW A GIRL WHO’S TOUGH BUT SWEET” boomed from the back of the room.

Everyone turned to locate the source of the sound.

BUMM. BUM BUMMMM

Grant slammed the opening chords to the song.

“What!? Who let -”, someone started to say. They were interrupted by a defiant

“SHE’S SO FINE SHE CAN’T BE BEAT”

Grant stood with pride behind the microphone, his eyes locked onto Marcy and his guitar strapped across his shoulder. His legs were planted wide and he lifted his picking hand and swung it back down across the strings.

BUMM. BUM BUMMM

“Oh wow I love this song.”, Marcy muttered, watching the performance.

“SHE’S GOT EVERYTHING THAT I DESIRE”
BUMM. BUM BUMMM

I shoved the gifts into her hands, which she absentmindedly received. The crowd became restless and agitated.

“SHE SETS THE SUMMER SUN ON FIRE”

They started shouting.

“He can’t do that!”

“Someone unplug that!”

“You know, people forget about Bow Wow Wow.”

“How did they get that in here!”

“This is UNFAIR!”

“Lets GET HIM!”

The crowd rushed Grant and Brant, forgetting about Marcy. I sprinted to the shopping cart they used to get the equipment into the room. I grabbed it and tied a guitar cable around the handle.

BUMM. BUM BUMMM

“NOW!”, I shouted.

Grant slammed his picking hand down onto the guitar and Brant stomped the pyrotechnics controller. Bright sparks sputtered high into the air. The thick smog of perfume combusted and the walls and ceiling were awash with a wave of flames. An explosive blast from the stage knocked the first few rows of teenagers backwards, and everyone else in the room was staggered and temporarily blinded. By the time the explosion happened, I was already running in Marcy’s direction, pushing the shopping cart as quickly as I could. Marcy lowered her arm from her eyes in time to see me shove the cart past her into the glowing blue abyss behind her. It swallowed the cart in a flash. She looked back towards me. I met her eyes then looked down. Her eyes followed mine and saw a mall security handcuff latched to her wrist.

In my greatest sleight of hand moment to date, I slipped a cuff on her while ‘clumsily’ handing her my gifts. With the added distraction of Grant, it was almost too easy. Her eyes followed the cable that was tied around the other side of the cuffs across the floor, through the doorway, and into the blue portal where it was finally fastened to the handle of the shopping cart being swallowed by the void.

The cable snapped tight and she grabbed ahold of it with her free hand, attempting to pull the shopping cart attached to the other end back out of the portal. To her terror, the cable yanked her to the ground and pulled her towards the bright blue light. She screamed as the light began to swallow her hand, and then her arm. She swiveled on the ground trying to brace against the pull with her feet. In a final burst of white light, she was gone, and so was the portal itself.

As I sit in the back room of Mino’s writing this all down, I feel a renewed passion to heed the call of justice. My responsibility is to stop crime at the mall. However, when Marcy was gone, I came back here and let the teenagers sort things out for themselves. I hope that they are given a refreshed perspective in the same way that I have now. I have long since grown out of my youth and I hope they start to see that they will have to do the same someday soon.

I let Brant and Grant keep the walkies and offered them an apprenticeship. They said they would consider the offer.

On the shelf in the office to my left are some magic shop items that I stole while under her spell. I really should give them back, I’m going to keep them, just as a reminder.